Long Time, No Talk

Well hello to all of you old friends out there.  Long time, no posting!

The last time I wrote on this blog was October 2011.  I was in a far different place then than I am now.

As all of you MS-ers know, it is a long, difficult, confusing road after you get diagnosed.  Many people told me that the time following my diagnosis would be one of the worst periods in my life.  I did not know how accurate they were until I went through it myself.  They were not kidding!  :)

I stopped writing this blog in October 2011 because I needed to concentrate on grieving the life I knew and learning how to live this new one.  It has been quite the ride.

Many readers have asked me in the past year and a half + to update this blog.  I could not bring myself to do so because I had no idea what to write.  I was struggling with all of the crazy stages of grief and, as my counselor so aptly put it, I was at the bottom of an emotional hole.  I was spinning my wheels; not able to crawl out yet.  I still needed to be down there (with my chocolate and Kleenex), working through all of the emotions that come with a very changed life.

As we've heard several times throughout our lives, "it is always darkest before the dawn".  We hear these cliches over and over again but, we all have different experiences that make them ring true.

I was told that, after you work through all of the stages of grief and loss, there is acceptance.  This sounds great to a person in the depths of depression...and anger...and sadness.  It's a light at the end of a very dark and scary tunnel.  This "acceptance" that everyone talks about is also very elusive and mysterious when you don't have it.

If you are going through what I am describing above, please hang on.  "They" are not lying, acceptance is coming if you just give it time.  It is not a specific, measurable thing; it is an unburdening of weight on your shoulders.  It is the realization that you just smiled easily and it didn't hurt to do so.  When you answered "fine" to someone's question of "how are you?"; you weren't pretending.  For me, it is the hope and possibility of a great future and the ability to live a wonderful life.  The awareness that dreams can be re-worked so they fit into your new abilities.  That, with incredible pain and fear, comes incredible strength and appreciation of what you have.  If you can do this, just hold on and deal with this and NOT GIVE UP, you can do anything life throws your way.

So, in closing, I'd like to thank everyone who has truly been there through thin & thin.  You know who you are.  You have seen me at the bottom of that hole, curled up, mean and spiteful, raging and screaming, hopeless and tormented.  You let me grieve because you knew I would crawl back out again and that the Alison you loved was still in there, even when I didn't believe it myself.  Thank you more than I could ever express for being my backbone when I was broken.

To anyone else dealing with something so hurtful that you can not imagine making it through the other side: please let my story be your backbone.  This too shall pass.

It is wonderful to 'talk' to you all again.  I wish you all acceptance in your life struggles and a quick time getting there!

Ali

Aloha

Aloha means hello & goodbye.

I have been writing this blog for 6 months now; since I got my diagnosis of MS.  You and I have been through a lot of ups and downs together.  I thank you so much for traveling this road with me and supporting me during this crazy time.

I have come to accept MS.  I have screamed, cried, laughed, broken down and pulled myself up over the past half a year.  I am done with thinking about MS every minute of every day.  I'm done with having it consume me. 

So, I am going to stop writing this blog.  I need to move on with my life and actually get on with living it!  I will leave this blog up and active for reference because there is a lot of information in the posts that will be helpful to those just diving into the MS pool. 

I wish you all the best.  If anyone would like to stay in touch, you can either leave a comment on any blog post (it gets sent to me) or you can email me (email address in my profile to the right).  I imagine I'll miss writing the blog but, I'm planning on filling up my time with other new and fun things.

Aloha my friends,
Love Ali
xoxo

Friend-ily Reunion

Hi everyone, I hope that you're all enjoying your Autumn (for those of you in the Northern Hemisphere of course).  For anyone reading this from somewhere hot & sunny, well, I'm just really jealous. 

Anyway, when the weather gets colder, Canadians start to think about traveling.  I am personally looking VERY forward to my trip to Mexico this xmas!  Vitamin D from sunlight is apparently great for MS so, that's my excuse to lay like a vegetable on the beach for 10 days.

My friend Amy is doing a bit of a lateral trip this weekend and will be visiting me in BC from Ontario; a quick 4.5 hour flight across the country and not much of a weather change for her unfortunately.  We have been besties since we were 9 years old and haven't been able to spend a ton of time together since I moved away and she got married and started a family.  I am SO excited!

You know how we've talked about the things in our lives that make us feel better and experience some relief from the worry of MS (like pets, kids, yoga etc)?  Well, friends are a huge component of the happiness-factor in my life and I can't wait for four days of uninterrupted girl-time! 

Amy & I are those friends that spent nearly every minute together when we were growing up and, when we weren't together, were on the phone talking about what we were going to do next.  If you are a parent with a kid at home that never, ever gets off the phone, you know what our parents dealt with for decades.

We are going to do a lot of shopping, dining out, wine-drinking, whale watching and sightseeing over the next four days.  I've been having a bit of a recurrence in my MS symptoms over the past week so, I'm going to rest up like crazy tonight and then I'll be ready to go like a shot tomorrow.

Do you have any friends in your life that make a huge difference in how you handle your MS?  If you'd like to shout-out any of your good friends, leave me a comment or send an email and I'd be happy to give them a special mention. :)

All the best, Ali.

2nd Attempt...Tie-Dye For

I made tie-dyed cupcakes this weekend and they are so cool.  I mentioned a few posts ago that I was going to start trying new things with one of them being baking & decorating.  This is my second attempt and I made these!!!!!!!!

Trippy batter

Baked

Yum!

Just separate and dye your white cake batter in different bowls.  Then add them together (without stirring) right into your cupcake liners or cake pan.  Easy and super-fun!

What new things are you trying?  I figure I'll enjoy all of the mobility and fine motor skills I can while this remission lasts.  I know my colleagues, family & friends are enjoying my "experiments"!!!!  ha ha

Any ideas for what I should try next?  Just don't say flambe!

Gobble Gobble

HAPPY THANKSGIVING fellow Canadians!  I hope that you're all having a wonderful time with your families and are enjoying the tradition of stuffing yourselves, along with your turkeys.

I'd also like to say a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my friend Amber (for Oct.9th).  I hope that you have a wonderful year filled with happiness and new experiences. The new experiences part shouldn't be too difficult now that you have your beautiful little baby boy.

Enjoy everyone!  Love Ali xoxo

The Unfeeling Digit

I woke up this morning with a numb thumb.

As seems to be the case about 95% of the time with me, I wake up with MS symptoms and weirdness out of the blue.  I guess that my MS is also a night owl just like the person it inhabits.

I mentioned the thumb-situation to my boss this morning and we both worried about an impending relapse for a while. This is until our day took off like a shot and we both got too busy to think about it anymore.  By the time I left for the day, my thumb was back to its old self.  So strange.  Or maybe not...I'm still pretty new to this whole MS thing so, perhaps this is exactly what it's all about?

Let's check in with the experts.   (insert Jeopardy music here................)

Well, interesting...it turns out that numbness and tingling are some of the most common of MS symptoms with 90% of us experiencing them.  This symptom is actually called paresthesia.  A pretty name for something that's really annoying.

Paresthesia is caused by lesions in the brain and spinal cord (surprise, surprise). Temporary numbness can also be caused by external factors such as heat intolerance or being overly fatigued.  I don't know what the cause of my numb thumb was but, I'm really glad its gone for the day.

This symptom can also present as burning, itching, shocking and vibrating sensations - I've had all of these too at one time or another and I know that most of you MSers can relate.  These sensations don't usually indicate a worsening or progressing of MS but, are an ongoing thing that we will have to get used to and work around until there is a treatment or cure.

If the numbness etc. gets too much to bear, there are a couple of medications that doctors are currently using to alleviate some of the discomfort:  Tegretol and Amitriptyline.  Strangely enough, I have experience and knowledge of both of these drugs for unrelated things.  My grandmother took Tegretol and let me tell you, this anti-seizure drug is not something that you can use and still expect to stay alert enough to drive or even stay awake most of the time.

I was personally prescribed Amitriptyline back in the day when my first neurologist told me that I didn't have MS but diagnosed me with aura migraines.  Oh how wrong she was!  Anyway, this drug can lower your blood pressure severely and caused me to have extreme dizziness, nausea, see spots and feel weak.

So, it's up to you.  In my case, I think I'll just live with the numbness as the above medications mimic other MS symptoms and it seems like you'd just be trading in one thing for another.  Oh well, as with everything Multiple Sclerosis, it could be better and it could be worse.

To make myself feel better and lighten the worry of this stupid disease, I often give the MS acronym different names; today lets call it Mother Sucker shall we?  Do you have any other ones and how do you deal with your numbness?

Ali.

First Attempt and Overfilled

Hi everyone, I was going to post a bit about MRI's today but, I just finished my first attempt at actually baking something and I was so excited that I didn't burn the house down...I needed to share.  For those of you who know me, I don't bake or cook.  Like, only if absolutely necessary.

It's not like I don't want to, it's just that I hate the smell of cooking in my house and it seems like so much work for just one meal when I'm eating alone.  I'm a go out and eat kind of girl - I love everything about socializing over a meal and a glass of wine.

Anyway, I have happened across not one, but two, psychics over the past three weeks (totally by chance-I know, weird).  They both told me that I was stifling my creative talents and that I should branch out and try something new.

I have always loved to decorate cookies (when someone else makes the cookies and loads the dishwasher!)...ha ha  My mother is nodding right now.  So, I thought, why don't I learn to bake and decorate?  I went out and bought muffin tins, cupcake liners, decorative icing tips etc.  When I first brought them home I just kind of stared at them, put them away and forgot about them.

Tonight I was bored and decided, it was time.  So, I just made orange cupcakes with cream cheese frosting that I dyed lilac, lime green and pink.  I know that I'm no Van Gogh of cupcake-making yet but, I'm so proud that I didn't blow anything up and they actually taste good!  Check it out...

We can talk about MRI's later but, for now, I'm proud of my gimpy, amateur cupcakes.  Since I got MS, I've been trying to live every minute and experience all kinds of new things.  This is step one on the road to becoming the person that everyone wants to bring the dessert to their party...I hope. :)

What new things have you been trying?  Any suggestions?

UPDATE: I just realized that the title doesn't make much sense.  I forgot to tell you that I overfilled them and the cupcakes turned out to be HUGE!  Who knew that you're only supposed to fill the cups halfway (don't say "everyone").  Lesson learned...

Ali.

Onward and Upward

A while back when I was feeling down and a bit useless, well, my feet, legs and bladder were actually being useless...  My Uncle Mike wrote to me that life is like riding a bike and that "if you slow down too much, you'll fall".

I have been feeling SO much better lately and in the past week, a couple of people have learned that I have MS and are totally surprised - telling me that they would never know unless someone mentioned it.  So, I've taken Uncle Mike's advice, removed the kid gloves with which I've been treating myself, and have jumped right back into the hectic life of a 34 year-old.

With that said, now we can discuss stress and how to handle the craziness when you have to deal with a disease that makes you super-tired at the hint of mental or physical strain.

It has not been proven definitively that stress can cause an MS relapse or worsen existing symptoms but, I believe that stress caused my last relapse 100%.  I believe this because as soon as I heard that my beloved Grandmother was dying, both of my feet went instantly numb.  I just spiraled down into a wretched, intense relapse (that led to my diagnosis) from that second on.

I also know that when I get stressed at work or I'm pushing myself too hard, my walking and bladder function gets much worse immediately.  Do any of you have this experience as well?

The MS Society of Canada tells us that any chronic illness can cause ongoing stress due to the uncertainty of the disease, the visibility of symptoms, having to adjust and readjust to changing symptoms constantly, financial stress and loss of control.

In times of stress (for me, when my job gets nuts), more energy is required to think, multi-task and problem-solve.  Dealing with increased demands like this drains the "stress-handling-reservoir" (ha ha) and leaves us precious little left to deal with our very demanding illness.  I think this is why stress makes many of us experience a worsening of symptoms at the least ideal times.

So, question is:  what to do about it?  Well, the MS Society says that there are several ways to handle everyday stress effectively.  For example:

* Simplify your life. Relax a few standards. Let the grass grow. Ask yourself if you want to do a particular task, if it needs to be done perfectly, or not at all.

* Plan ahead in situations that could cause stress. Take a book with you if waiting may be necessary. Make plans for where to meet or call if plans go awry.

* Get extra sleep before family gatherings or important events.

* Learn to say no. You don’t have to do anything if you don’t have the time, energy, or desire.

* Make your requests for help as specific as possible: “Would you please help me by ...”

* If old interests and activities become more difficult or too time consuming, replace them with new ones that fit your current needs.

The MS Society has actually published a guide to handling stress and have a ton of helpful suggestions.  It's kind of long so, I'll give you the link if you want to take a look.  There is some really good advice in here:

http://mssociety.ca/en/pdf/TamingStress.pdf

Anyway, I'm going to have to try something because I'm beginning to work through breaks again at work, not eat regularly and am starting to feel totally overwhelmed and bogged down.  I know that I can't go back to the pre-MS days where I would work myself ragged consequence-free.  I have a responsibility to my health now but, as you all know, it's hard to slow down once you get up some speed!

The exact opposite problem that my Uncle Mike noted, ironically enough...

So blog-friends, I know that you have some stellar ideas of your own on how to deal with stress.  Please comment or email me if you have some good stress-busting tips.  And, as always, thanks for reading and supporting.

Love Ali xoxo

The Sweetest Thing

Sometimes people surprise you by how much they pay attention, have the capacity to care and show empathy.  

As I've mentioned before, I work for a Canadian hotel & resort company.  Over the years, I've formed a close relationship with our most frequent guest, Gregory, and his wife Barbara.  When I was going through those horrible, early days of my diagnosis, they were right there to help out and support in any way they could.

Today, Gregory gave me a call to meet him in the lobby.  He then presented me with a present from his wife and himself...it is a little high-heeled shoe.  The card was so thoughtful that it nearly brought me to tears and mentioned that I didn't have to give up my love of heels because of MS; I can just have them in another size for now.  

Isn't that the sweetest thing?!  So, today I thank you Barbara & Gregory - you are the best!  I appreciate your gift and all of the other times you've gifted me with either items or supportive words and thoughts.  You are so appreciated!

Love Ali   xoxo

My Brain is Aflame

When I first got my MS diagnosis, I was totally adrift.  I didn't know a lot about the disease, what causes it or just what to do about it...If there was even anything I could do about it.  So, I did what I always do when I am freaked-out by something; I research the holy hell out of it until it's not scary anymore.

By speaking to others who have this disease, reading up on countless websites, cookbooks and pamphlets and asking for help from the nurses at the MS Clinic, I noticed a ton of buzz about anti-inflammatory foods.

The first thing that my neurologist did when she saw that I was smack-dab in the middle of a horrific relapse was to put me on a 3-day course of IV Prednisone; a corticosteroid that reduces inflammation in the brain and spinal cord.  After this procedure helped me, I got to wondering if foods that are naturally anti-inflammatory would help my symptoms too.

If you've been wondering the same thing, I'm going to help you out by posting a list of anti-inflammatory foods so that you don't have to go looking all over the place like I did.  Hey, it kept me busy during my looooooong disability leave but, what remitting or stable person has the time?!

I'm not going to list items that are uber-gross or anything; these are all things that I've been incorporating into my diet that are readily available.  You won't have to visit a voodoo priestess to find them...

* Omega 3 Fatty Acids - Found in wild salmon, flax seed, walnuts, extra virgin olive oil, avocados and small fish like sardines and herring.  (Or you can take an Omega 3 supplement too - I take 2 per day).


* All berries but especially blueberries, cherries, apples, pears, grapefruit, papaya and plums.


* Onions, garlic, bell peppers, broccoli, cabbage, asparagus, sweet potato, and shiitake mushrooms.


* Green tea, dark chocolate


* Turmeric, oregano, rosemary and ginger.


* Red wine.  (Yes, for real)

So, see, not so hard.  I use nearly all of the above all of the time and incorporate anti-inflammatory items into everything.  For example, tonight I made scrambled eggs and added some turmeric.  I also had organic oatmeal with dried blueberries, cranberries, flax seed, apples and chopped cashews mixed in.  That is a mighty yummy breakfast-for-dinner anti-inflammatory powerhouse right there folks.  And, I despise cooking so, it only took five minutes to throw together.

A simple rule to going anti-inflammatory is to stay away from all processed foods and eat as natural as possible.  Yes, this means driving right by McDonald's even when you have PMS or are hungover...seriously, just look away.

Do you follow an anti-inflammatory diet?  If so, send me your favourite items or recipes and I'll share them here...

Young Blood

Just in time for Halloween, all of you Twilight, Vampire Diaries and True Blood fans are going to love this one!

According to a study out of Stanford University, when older mice were injected with the blood of young mice, they generated three times the amount of nerve cells as they normally would.  And, what does MS destroy?  That's right: nerve cells.

The young blood injections also resulted in the increased production of neurons, more signals travelling throughout the brain and a decrease in inflammation.

The older mice were found to have more of a protein called eotaxin circulating in their blood.  Interestingly, when young mice were injected with eotaxin, they too generated fewer nerve cells and experienced memory loss.  I don't know how you measure memory in mice; maybe using some kind of cheese maze...???

Anyway, this is great news for MS, Alzheimer's, Huntington Disease, dementia etc.  Not to mention your run-of-the-mill can't remember where I put my wallet issues as we age.

We're just going to have to wait for human trials and data but, it's excellent that researchers have our backs and are working non-stop at helping us out.  Until then, you vampire-lovers are just going to have to keep your neck warmers on.

Beautiful Inside

When I hear the word "Botox", I immediately think of Hollywood actresses with their faces pulled so tight that it looks painful for them to smile.

Botox is a neurotoxic protein produced by bacteria called Clostridium Botulinum. In large doses, this bacteria induces botulism, a severe illness that causes paralysis and is usually transmitted through food poisoning.

So, why would anyone want to inject this bacteria directly into their bodies you ask?  Well, in small, diluted doses, Botox has been used to improve or prevent the appearance of wrinkles, brow furrows, creases and frown lines.  Interestingly enough, Botox is also used to treat medical conditions such as uncontrolled blinking, dystonia (uncontrollable body movements), excessive sweating, migraines and enlarged prostates.

And, why am I bringing up this topic on an MS blog?  I recently heard that the FDA has approved Botox for use in overactive bladder in MS patients.  Botox has been found to relax the bladder while allowing it to store more urine overall and thus, reduce leakage.  It is helpful in improving or relieving urinary frequency, urgency and incontinence.

This is great news for a lot of us who suffer with bladder issues due to MS or other conditions.  To be approved to receive this treatment, you must have already tried to treat your bladder dysfunction with medication or behavioral treatment (bladder training) without success.

To perform this procedure, a local anesthetic will be given in a day-surgery setting.  Botox is then injected directly into the bladder muscles between 20-30 times in different locations. Relief of symptoms normally lasts between 6-10 months.

There are some side effects to consider, like problems emptying your bladder.  In about 4% of patients, the paralyzing effect of the Botox is too great and a catheter will be needed to empty the bladder for approximately 6 weeks until the effect lessens.  Other patients have reported dizziness, headache and fever but, these things are all kind of par-for-the-course with MS so, how would you be able to tell the difference I say?!

The good news is that there is another option out there for treating one of the most annoying MS symptoms.

The bad news is that your nearby organs may get jealous when they see how young your bladder looks...

Special Mention Goes To...

Today we're appreciating Sakar (human baby), Isis (kitty baby) and Reya (not a puppy but, acts like one).

Sakar is the 2 1/2 month-old son of my friend Amber and her husband Khaled. He is SO adorable and brings an overwhelming amount of joy to their lives everyday. He hasn't been here for very long but, I know they can't even imagine a time when he wasn't.

Isis is the kitten of Amber & Khaled and is growing up right alongside Sakar... Their two babies are super-cute together and definitely keep Mommy-Amber on her toes!  Thanks for bringing huge amounts of love and laughs you two.

Sakar wearing his sunglasses at night

1st Halloween costume

Sakar

Isis

Let's also say a huge thank you to Reya, the Blonde Lab of Karen & Warren.  She has helped her human parents through a very tough couple of years.  I met her on the Labour Day long weekend and I fell in love immediately; what a cutie!  She "helped" us play Bocce Ball, ferociously protected her yard from encroaching butterflies and allowed us the privilege of petting her.  ha ha

Reya: It's been a tough day

Reya watching out for evil butterflies and magpies

Besties Are The Best

I'm feeling really grateful today for my friends and I want to give them a shout-out to tell them how amazing they are.  I couldn't have made it through the past year without a group of very special people - they're family that are not actually related (except for one).

So, to Amy, Erin, Lindsay, Amber, Stephanie, Travis and my sister Cristy....THANK YOU so much for all of your help. 

Amy for being ready to drop a husband, two kids and a menagerie of pets to jump on a plane at a moments notice and for convincing me to start this blog.  To Erin for always being there to talk to and for bringing humour to every situation.  To Linds for always treating me like I'm healthy, whether I am or not.  To Amber for keeping my social life alive when I feel like hibernating.  To Stephanie for being my MS counsellor and support-system through all of the B.S.  To Travis for giving up time with my sister to drive me to the hospital, hold me up so I don't fall and being supportive always.  Last but certainly not least, to my sister Cristy, for moving in with me when I couldn't do much of anything.  For taking care of me, my home, my pets and my sanity.

No matter how much I want to be independent and not ask for help, I realize that I have an amazing support system and I do need them in sickness and in health.  So, thank you to all of my friends, listed and not listed; you're a wonderful group of people and I'm sending you all of my love and gratitude.

Hugs & Kisses, Ali. xoxo

* If you have anyone you want to shout-out, let me know and I'll post a thanks to them here for you *

Poetry Corner

Wow, can you believe it's been six months exactly since I was diagnosed with this %&*#@ disease called MS?!  It's certainly been a roller coaster ride of every conceivable emotion.  But, when I look back to six months ago, I can hardly believe how far I've come and how well I'm doing now.

I have always written poetry when the going gets tough; sometimes I wake up in the night with words in my head and I have to write them out or I can't fall asleep again.  I always have a journal in my bedside table...

I thought I'd share with you something I wrote while in the middle of that last relapse while dealing with my brand new diagnosis.  I'm sure you've all been there and can relate, whether you have MS or not.  We all struggle and stumble sometimes and maybe this can help someone out there wading through the muck right now.  It will get better, I promise.

There's a kitty in the window and a spirit by the bed
Passing through her messages Re: the living and the dead

Drugs in to still the heartache, drugs in to numb the pain
Drugs in to slow the monster punching holes into my brain

I wish I may, I wish I might just make it through another night
Without the dreaded crushing strain that I will never walk again

The Earth it keeps on spinning, the planets are aligned
I hope that I'll be happy soon one day before I die

It's coming like a freight train, It's going to mow me down
I've known it for the longest time
My birds have almost flown

My birds and yours can sit atop the highest wire fence
I've missed you so these many months
We'll be hours to just catch up

To wrap my arms around you and to gaze upon your face
The last time that I saw it was the last time I felt safe

So, there we go, deep thoughts by Jack Handy Alison.  What do you do to comfort yourself when you feel hopeless?  And don't say "red wine" Mom; that's universal!  ha ha

My Knees, They Are A'Shaking

Welcome back from the long weekend everyone!  I had a fantastic time on my Alberta-adventure...we encountered a flight delay and ended up meeting some really great people in the airport while waiting.  Have you ever spent the night drinking away a flight delay at the airport?  My credit card hurts!  ha ha

Anyway, I had such a great, care-free time that today, back to reality, I feel scared.  I didn't think of MS for a whole 24 hours.  I didn't feel like the "sick person" and I just spent the night being the old me.  The one without this ticking time bomb in her head.

Do you guys ever feel like this?  Am I normal or is this something I need to get some help with?

I don't like surprises (bad ones anyway) and I've always been a planner.  This is why MS is such a difficult disease for me because, in my experience to date, I wake up in a relapse.  It doesn't come on with any warning and I get no lead time.

This fantastic weekend made me realize just how much I fear the future and my next relapse.  I so desperately want to enjoy every moment and I don't want to be disabled with fear when I'm not disabled in body too.

Do you MSers out there have any advice?  How do you cope with the unknown, the cold fear and trepidation?  Advice please :)


Cowboy Country & Congrats

Happy Labour Day long weekend everyone!  It's a nice time for a bit of a break and a great time to get out of town.  I am on my way to Stirling, Alberta (near Lethbridge) visiting family friends and taking a breather.

I hope that you're doing something fun this weekend and, if you're headed back to school, enjoying one last summer hurrah before hitting the books.

This weekend is also special because my colleague and friend is getting married.  Yay! 

So, a HUGE congratulations & best wishes go out to Michelle and Gem - have a fantastic time on Sunday and enjoy your Italian honeymoon.  I can't wait to see the pictures in a few weeks...  Ciao!

Great Balls of Fire!

Holy hell, my eyeballs HURT!

I noticed this weird symptom about a year before I was actually diagnosed and, of course, thought it was something else.  Like fatigue, eye-strain, migraine etc.  You know the drill; every other conceivable thing but MS.

Anyway, it comes and goes but, when it's bad it feels like there's a little guy sitting on top of my eye balls and just squeezing them for dear life.  As you can imagine, this is not a pleasant sensation.  Can any of you MSers relate?  Do you have a little guy in your eye too?

I did some research on this symptom when it came back for me recently and discovered that it falls under the Optic Neuritis umbrella.  Remember our old friend...?

http://soiguessihavemsnow.blogspot.com/2011/05/eye-spy.html

It seems that MS hosts a whole collection of other fun visual sh*t like:  double vision, blindness, jerky eye movements, lack of coordination between the eyes, and abnormal pupil response.  I had all of these symptoms at once when I fell skiing on moguls and cracked myself in the head about a decade back.  I never thought I could feel that disoriented again until...dum, dum, dum...MS.

Oh well, what are you going to do right?  I've said it before and I'll remind you again:  if you see any of your MS friends or family dressed in some atrocious get-up, they have blue eyeshadow (a la 80's) smeared on or they're wearing two different coloured shoes, it's just not our fault.  We can't see what the heck we're doing sometimes - just have a chuckle at our expense and keep walking. 



The Offspring

So, I've never really wanted kids of my own.  I was the babysitter-extraordinaire when I was a teen and I love being around the young'ins but, have never wanted to be called "mom".  I know I'm in the minority of women in my age group in this regard but, I just wasn't born with that mommy-longing.

Lately a lot of my friends have been having babies or talking about having them. My friend Amber and her husband just had their first little one - and he is SO cute! Sometimes when I hang out with my friends' kids, my biological clock ticks for a while after but, logic always stomps in and squashes that pretty quick! ha ha

I started thinking about how difficult it must be for parents with MS but, just how much joy and hope those little tots must give you when you're having a desperate sort of a day or a relapse.  I get so much energy and delight from just being around kids so, today I wanted to celebrate the little guys.

Thanks for just being you little cuties - you brighten up a world that can sometimes be a major downer!  :)

Hannah & Monica

Gram with great-granddaughter Madeleine

Isabella

India Rose

Madeleine

Hannah

Carter

Amy with her girls, Isabella & Adriana

Grace

Isidro with his granddaughter, Adriana

"A rose can say 'I love you', orchids can enthrall, but a weed bouquet in a chubby fist, yes, that says it all."

If any readers out there have special little tykes that you'd like to honour, send me their pic and I'll post it for you.  Ali.

UPDATE:  Oh, we have another addition to the kiddie-roster... Here is the absolutely adorable little daughter of my friend Steve and his wife Jan - Ella!  What a cutie :)

Ella