A Sheep In Wolf's Clothing

My Grandmother Dorothea used to always say "everything happens for a reason" and if you can't see the reason in front of you, you'll see it down the road.  Such a wise woman she was.

When I got my diagnosis, all I could say was WHY?!  I was utterly gutted, depressed and most of all, angry.  Like, furious.  A few weeks ago when I was on my way into this remission and doing well, I saw a woman about my age at the drug store.  She obviously had M.S. too and I remember thinking "she looks so mad".  Every movement she made and every facial expression conveyed a sense of anger and betrayal.  She was whipping her cane around like she wanted to hit something...really hard.

I remarked on this to my friend at a later time and she simply said to me "that is what you looked like". 

Wham.  What?!  I did?!  I thought I was doing such a great job of hiding it and being positive. Oh well.

I am doing MUCH better now.  If I had to wager a guess I'd say I am about 99% into remission and speeding along pretty fast.

But...

M.S. has taught me to open my eyes (now that I have my vision back! ha ha), smell the roses and enjoy life.  I used to power through everything with the end goal of getting it completed.  I was always looking to the future and looking forward to what it held for me.  Now, I know that the future is uncertain.

These days I have a new appreciation for "Right Now".  I smile more.  I laugh more and I look around more.  I'm not in such a great hurry and I spend less time in my head living in the future.  I am still a planner (don't think I'll ever lose that analytical side) but, I concentrate on planning the fun things that I can see down the road.  I try not to worry so much about the stuff I can't see yet.

Now I know what Gram was talking about.  I think there was a reason for me to get sick.  Maybe it was to force me to slow down and live in the moment.  I've never really done that before.  Maybe it was for me to reach out to other sick people and draw us together; maybe I can help someone else.  Maybe even just one other person.  I hope so because that's a lot of 'maybe's'.

She also used to say "This isn't a road block, it's just a speed bump". 

You know what Gram, you're right.  You were always right.  I'm listening now.

Love Sugar xoxo

UPDATE:  Several people have enquired so, to answer your question, my Grandma is 90 years old in this picture.  Yep, for real.