Sometimes it feels like there is nobody out there and, at times in every one of our lives, we feel alone and rudderless.
It is very difficult for most of us to ask for help or even admit to ourselves that we may actually NEED it. Are you with me? Whenever I think about this kind of thing, a song from my childhood pops into my head and just gets stuck on repeat: Help! by the Beatles:
Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me?
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before...
Is it stuck in your head now too? Sorry. My parents used to play The Beatles incessantly in the car on the way to our cottage every summer so, I know way more lyrics than someone from my generation should!
A friend of mine (who has MS) and another friend (who doesn't) recently got in touch. One emailed and one called; even though the topic was the same...they both feel lost and don't know what to do about it.
You all know that we are encouraged from the time we're tots to be independent and to help ourselves because, no one else is going to do it. Well, I've found over the last several months that this doesn't always have to be the case. I'm not encouraging anyone to just give it up, lounge around on the sofa and let others take care of them if they're able but, at times you do need to give up some control and accept help.
I know; this is VERY hard to do. Especially when you're in the prime of your life and all you want to do is go-go-go. It is often the case that you're going to mentally hit a wall or, as is the way with MS, your body is going to shut things down for you without your consent.
It is at these times that others around you likely feel just as helpless as you do and struggle to find ways to make your life easier. I say, let them. You need it, they need it; everyone wins.
I'll take this opportunity to throw a huge "thank you" out there to my sister. When I had my recent relapse, she moved in with me and cleaned, shopped, organized and drove her little heart out to make my life liveable. I suspect now that she was doing some of these things to make herself feel a bit better too - I know it's hard watching someone you care about going through hell.
For all of the MSers out there, your local MS Society has support groups happening all the time for people just like you and me. I'm talking to you too Laura & Janet: did you know about this?...:
http://chapters.mssociety.ca/default.aspx?ChapterID=344&PageID=1105&L=2
My friend mentioned that she is very upset about not being able to work due to her MS. I also experienced this same thing when I was forced to take time off of work - it makes you feel useless, bored and...old. My suggestion is to volunteer as much as your body & mind will allow. There are so many people & animals out there worse off than us that can use your help in a big way.
The "bottom line" for volunteers is helping as much as you can, not assisting your employer in making as much as they can. ha ha When you're losing faith in yourself and your future, try to make a difference in someone else's - this advice comes straight from my Grandma. I can tell you; she was rarely off the mark.
I know that things get difficult and it's easy to get stuck in a rut, to mourn your past when it seems like everything used to be so simple. My suggestion is, wallow in it for as long as you need, experience it, then move forward. I deal with the bulls*it of life by learning as much about my problem as I can so that I can fight it head-on. Figure out what works for you, then try your hardest to do that.
Everyone is going to have periods of time where they don't want to get out of bed; a lot of MSers will have times when all they want to do is get out of bed and they can't. Life can be hard; no one ever said it differently. But...it can also have some amazing, eye-opening moments that make you appreciate the good things.
I've found just recently that those eye-opening moments usually begin by opening up to someone you care about, letting them in and yes, letting them help you.
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